How do I cope with the shame I am feeling?

What is shame?

Shame is a feeling that you have about yourself that you are “wrong” as the person you are. Putting it another way – you feel ashamed of yourself for who you are. It is different from guilt, which is linked with doing something you later regret or believe to be wrong.

How does shame develop?

It usually develops in the context of unhealthy relationships. It could be that when you were growing up, you had a parent who was frequently critical of you. You may have experienced bullying at school or work. You could be in a relationship right now, where you are constantly feeling that everything is “your fault”.

What are the effects of shame?

Shame can be very isolating and is an overwhelming emotion to feel. It can leave you feeling anxious about yourself and how you respond and react in social situations and relationships. You might feel depressed about yourself and as if nothing will change. Shame will cause you to have low self-esteem which can affect your whole experience of life. You are very likely to have a self-critical inner voice towards yourself.

Can I get rid of or overcome the shame I am feeling?

As I mentioned above, you will feel very alone in your shame. the very nature of it, causes it to be hidden, but it is something that can eat away inside of you.

This may sound strange, but the antidote to shame is to talk about it, to bring it out in the open, and voice what you are feeling. It needs to be done with someone who helps you feel emotionally safe, accepted, and free to express yourself, without being judged.

I think of shame as a dark cloud over someone and as they express their feelings of shame by speaking openly about them, the dark cloud starts to lift off them.

There is hope for you, that you can start to shift the shame that has been a part of you, and coming to therapy can help you to start that process.

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